Over the past few weeks I’ve been questioning why as midwives we are able to demonstrate such kindness and compassion to the families we work with yet when it comes to our colleagues we don’t always find it so easy.
I think we can all be guilty of focussing on our own clinical areas with the belief that we have the greatest challenges within a unit but in truth that is rarely the case. Every area has its pressures, some just manifest in different ways but it is all relative and a lack of understanding of a persons role should not lead to an assumption that they are somehow less important or hard working than you.
It can be difficult, on the days when the workload is intense, to remain civil to the person who has just asked you to accept another admission into the ward, or the agency who have just contacted you for information at the very moment you have logged out of the system you need to access, but try we must because who knows what sort of a day that person too is having?
Throwaway comments, especially when overheard, can be incredibly wounding and leave the person on the recieving end feeling sad, disheartened and distrustful of the perpetrator. What is said cannot be unsaid, even in the heat of the moment.
My grandma always used to say to me “taste your words before you spit them out”, in other words think before you speak. I can’t say I have always practiced this and there have been times when I have been just as surprised as everyone else by what has come out of my mouth! As I have got older though I have gradually learned to just pause before responding to something I may find as unreasonable.
The other premise my grandma used was to ask 3 questions before responding.
1) is it true?
2) is it necessary?
3) is it kind?
If the answer to any of those questions is “no” it is best left unsaid.
The NHS I work in now has changed so much since I started back in 1991 as a student nurse at The Royal Free. More is being asked with less resources and fewer staff which is why now, more than ever, we need to take the time to care for each other. Kindness goes a long way, as does respect and courtesy, and that shouldn’t be dependant on banding or any other hierarchical notions.
The ward housekeeper is every bit as important as the chief executive of the hospital. Without either the organisation would grind to a halt and I wholeheartedly agree with Sir Richard Branson when he says that if you take care of your employees they will take care of your clients.
Nurturing a culture of kindness has to be a priority in today’s NHS and can have a huge impact on the lives of those around us. Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.